The qualities to teach your kids that are more important than exam results

2023-07-21 14:56

With results day around the corner, your child might be feeling stressed about what comes next if academia isn’t their thing, or they don’t think they performed well in their GCSEs or A Levels. As a parent, you may find it difficult to know what to say beyond clichés if their exam results aren’t ‘glowing’, especially when you know your teenager has strengths outside of the exam hall. So, how can you respond supportively? And what qualities can you reassure them are more important than exam results? Be there for them firstYour child is likely to be upset – read the room and consider their emotions before diving in with advice or questions, or expressing your own feelings about the situation. “While it is only natural to feel your own sense of disappointment, as best as possible, we need to put aside our emotional response and be a calm, safe place for our kids,” says psychologist and author of Self-Care For Tough Times, Suzy Reading. “It can help to identify a time later to express your own feelings – you’re not stuffing them down or denying them, you’ll make space to bear witness to them later,” Reading adds. “Take a couple of long exhalations and listen without rushing in to fix. Support and allow your child to express all the feelings and thoughts that will come cascading. Action planning can come later – they just need to feel heard, understood, validated and cared for.” Exams aren’t everything It is helpful to remind them that this isn’t the be-all and end-all. There’s lots more to a person than their grades and exam results. “While exams can be really important, it’s also good to remember that they are not the only measure of success,” says Gemma Campbell, counsellor and clinical content specialist at Kooth Digital Health. “There are plenty of amazing qualities you have that standard exams don’t measure – resilience, determination, humour, curiosity, courage, compassion and kindness,” Campbell adds. Well-rounded skillsets And going forward into the professional world, there are really valuable skills and traits that are not exam-based. “While academic achievements have a significant place, they should not overshadow the development of essential skills and qualities that make great business leaders and entrepreneurs,” says Sarah Austin, director of the British Business Excellence Awards. Creativity For example, creativity is paramount to innovation. “In a rapidly evolving business landscape, creativity has become a prized asset,” says Austin. “Motivating our children to think outside the box – questioning established norms – and exploring alternative solutions is what nurtures their creative potential. “Grades may measure the ability to absorb and regurgitate information, but creativity is what propels individuals to envision new possibilities and drive innovation,” she adds. “The ability to approach problems from different angles, to adapt to change and to create something entirely new will position our children as the trailblazers of tomorrow in the business world.” Passion If there is something your teen loves, encourage it. This can help harness lots of other useful skills in the process – such as curiosity, determination and focus. “One of the most valuable skills a person can possess is passion. Encouraging our children to explore their interests and pursue their passions will ignite a flame within them – when they do something they genuinely love, they are more likely to invest their time and effort wholeheartedly,” Austin says. “By instilling the belief that passion is a driving force, we can empower our children to shape their future careers based on what truly inspires them. In the business world, this passion translates into unwavering dedication and a genuine love for what a person does – setting the stage for remarkable achievements.” Resilience Disappointing exam results may be a setback, but how they respond to them may show their greatest skill: resilience. “In the face of challenges and setbacks, the ability to bounce back and persevere is essential – cultivating hardiness and resilience in our children will hand them the tools to overcome obstacles and navigate the unpredictable nature of the business world,” Austin says. “While grades may provide a temporary measure of success, it is the tenacity and determination to push forwards that truly separates outstanding leaders from the rest.”

With results day around the corner, your child might be feeling stressed about what comes next if academia isn’t their thing, or they don’t think they performed well in their GCSEs or A Levels.

As a parent, you may find it difficult to know what to say beyond clichés if their exam results aren’t ‘glowing’, especially when you know your teenager has strengths outside of the exam hall.

So, how can you respond supportively? And what qualities can you reassure them are more important than exam results?

Be there for them firstYour child is likely to be upset – read the room and consider their emotions before diving in with advice or questions, or expressing your own feelings about the situation.

“While it is only natural to feel your own sense of disappointment, as best as possible, we need to put aside our emotional response and be a calm, safe place for our kids,” says psychologist and author of Self-Care For Tough Times, Suzy Reading.

“It can help to identify a time later to express your own feelings – you’re not stuffing them down or denying them, you’ll make space to bear witness to them later,” Reading adds.

“Take a couple of long exhalations and listen without rushing in to fix. Support and allow your child to express all the feelings and thoughts that will come cascading. Action planning can come later – they just need to feel heard, understood, validated and cared for.”

Exams aren’t everything

It is helpful to remind them that this isn’t the be-all and end-all. There’s lots more to a person than their grades and exam results.

“While exams can be really important, it’s also good to remember that they are not the only measure of success,” says Gemma Campbell, counsellor and clinical content specialist at Kooth Digital Health.

“There are plenty of amazing qualities you have that standard exams don’t measure – resilience, determination, humour, curiosity, courage, compassion and kindness,” Campbell adds.

Well-rounded skillsets

And going forward into the professional world, there are really valuable skills and traits that are not exam-based.

“While academic achievements have a significant place, they should not overshadow the development of essential skills and qualities that make great business leaders and entrepreneurs,” says Sarah Austin, director of the British Business Excellence Awards.

Creativity

For example, creativity is paramount to innovation.

“In a rapidly evolving business landscape, creativity has become a prized asset,” says Austin. “Motivating our children to think outside the box – questioning established norms – and exploring alternative solutions is what nurtures their creative potential.

“Grades may measure the ability to absorb and regurgitate information, but creativity is what propels individuals to envision new possibilities and drive innovation,” she adds. “The ability to approach problems from different angles, to adapt to change and to create something entirely new will position our children as the trailblazers of tomorrow in the business world.”

Passion

If there is something your teen loves, encourage it. This can help harness lots of other useful skills in the process – such as curiosity, determination and focus.

“One of the most valuable skills a person can possess is passion. Encouraging our children to explore their interests and pursue their passions will ignite a flame within them – when they do something they genuinely love, they are more likely to invest their time and effort wholeheartedly,” Austin says.

“By instilling the belief that passion is a driving force, we can empower our children to shape their future careers based on what truly inspires them. In the business world, this passion translates into unwavering dedication and a genuine love for what a person does – setting the stage for remarkable achievements.”

Resilience

Disappointing exam results may be a setback, but how they respond to them may show their greatest skill: resilience.

“In the face of challenges and setbacks, the ability to bounce back and persevere is essential – cultivating hardiness and resilience in our children will hand them the tools to overcome obstacles and navigate the unpredictable nature of the business world,” Austin says.

“While grades may provide a temporary measure of success, it is the tenacity and determination to push forwards that truly separates outstanding leaders from the rest.”